He was brilliantly handsome, liked by everyone, loyal to his girlfriend of six years. He told me in the beginning that he does not intend to cheat. He kept asking me out regardless: on bike tours, a few drinks, dinners and kept telling me that he would feel uncomfortable if his girlfriend knew he was hanging out with me. Nothing ever happened for six months besides these hangouts.

Eventually he told me he loved me and he would leave his girlfriend for me if I was ready to commit to him. He looked me directly in the eyes and told me that if he got his way, we would finish our drinks, head beck to my place, have mindblowing sex all night and go to work next morning tired af.

He said he could never cheat. I told him that what he had been doing for months, even though not even kisses were shared, qualified as cheating. In his viewpoint, only sex was cheating.

One night we got drunk at a party we had arranged together and he walked me home. I asked if he wanted to come upstairs and he did. The sex, after all that build-up was a major disappointment, a drunk hassle where neither of us really knew what to do.

He never told anyone, not even his closest friend who confronted him directly about it. I left to travel the world as I had intended and he proposed to his girlfriend.

One time mistake?

Yes, even the good guys cheat. I try and be optimistic and want to believe that with these guys feel guilty about it and never repeat the mistake. On the other hand, it could only be a booster for a serial-cheater’s career. They see that they don’t get caught and they can and will do it again. And again.

What is cheating?

I have been entertaining this question a lot during the months of this affair. Is a drunken shag really the dealbreaker in a relationship? Or is it the months’ worth of lying, playing with the idea of another relationship, but never even touching that Other Woman?

Maybe it is specific to the relationship in question. Maybe cheating is what you would recognise hurting your significant other. It is a tricky combination with emotions and physical relations, where does the line lie that defines what kinds of things only belong in a monogamous relationship?

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